Last night I had a dream where I created a detailed list of what I wanted to manifest in 2015.  It was strangely specific so when I woke up this morning and remembered it, I felt I should share it with you. 

First I’d like to thank my dream for getting me back on the writing train!  It’s been five months, almost to the day, since I published my last blog.  Life has been a whirlwind:  I started a new job at an awesome local nonprofit, I’ve grown my career intuitive coaching practice, and I’ve started my last year at my master’s program in spiritual psychology (and I’m commuting out to Los Angeles one weekend a month for classes!).  It has been intense but I’m learning a lot and trying to stop and look around once in a while. :)

So back to my dream… I woke up this morning with a very clear action step for myself (and for you, if you’re interested!) to create a 2015 “wish list” to the Universe that consists of 32 total wishes, broken down as follows:

                                                                                                  8
                                               categories of your life in which you’d like to make changes
                                                                      (i.e. home, love life, career, family, etc.)

                                                                                                  x

                                                                                                  4
                                                                       “wishes” within each category
                                                        (2 wishes for what you want to release from your life and
                                                                    2 for what you want to create or gain in your life)

                                                                                              = 32
                                                                   total wishes (or intentions) for 2015

Can you tell I’m a numerology gal? ;)

The reason I love this seemingly simple formula is because it provides a solid structure and discipline for my sometimes flailing and unclear desires.  Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with what to pursue first in my life.  Should I focus on my relationship?  Or my career?  Or my home and location?  There are so many things I want to improve or expand upon that it’s sometimes hard to get myself focused enough to take action towards any of it. 

Sometimes we need a little structure and discipline in our lives in order to experience the freedom and joy that we desire. 

Sounds like an oxymoron doesn’t it?  Aren’t discipline and structure the opposite of freedom and joy?  Nope!  They’re actually quite intertwined.   

It turns out that getting ourselves organized, making and fulfilling commitments to ourselves and to others, and increasing our joyful discipline actually lead to more space and freedom in all aspects of our lives!  Who knew? 

Fulfilling commitments can include completing incomplete items on our to-do lists, fulfilling promises we’ve made to ourselves and others, and also letting go of past commitments that we no longer want to fulfill.  This clearing out of physical, emotional, and energetic “clutter” from our lives creates beautiful space for new blessings and positive surprises to flow in.   

The first step on the path to joyful discipline and freedom is getting clear on our desires.  In comes my brilliant formula:  8 x 4 = 32.  Sounds so simple but from a numerology perspective it makes total sense.  The numerological meaning of the number 8 is empowerment and success (and 2015 is also an 8 Year in numerology!!);  number 4 means discipline, practicality and hard work; and number 32 adds up to 5 (3+2=5) which means freedom, movement, and change! 

The little Divine guides that were dancing around in my dream last night knew what they were doing! 

Empowering yourself to be Joyfully Disciplined in all areas of your life is the formula for experiencing true Freedom and Positive Change!! 

Damn!  I am loving this on so many levels!  (especially my inner math nerd who is jumping for joy!) :)

It doesn’t need to be hard.  I’ve created a simple chart (with examples) for you to just print out and fill in the blanks for your own life.  First fill in the chart to get clear on exactly what you want for yourself in 2015, and then get joyfully disciplined about creating it!   

Cheers to Clarity, Joyful Discipline, and Freedom in 2015! :)  Let me know how it goes in the comments below!

Yours in Math Problems and Fulfilled Dreams,
Tina :)

p.s.  Be gentle with yourself throughout this process—it doesn’t all have to be done today.  Full disclosure I originally wrote this blog on 12/27th and didn’t get around to doing the process for myself or publishing it until today.  It’s all good-- we rock anyway!! :)  

This week at spiritual psychology school I learned something about myself that I want to share with all of you.  If you're anything like me, it might help you to be a little nicer to yourself. :)

During class this week, we did our usual “trios” where we’re paired with two other students:  one of us acts as the client, one as the counselor/facilitator and one as a neutral observer.  As the facilitator we practice the skills we learn in school to help guide the client towards resolving an issue they’re having in their life by releasing any negative judgments they have against themselves or others and finding a more positive, loving and peaceful way of navigating the situation. 

Although we were working the same process that we do every other month, this time was different for me.  This time I uncovered the fact that I had been looking at myself as a “beast” in many of my relationships and interactions in life.  I had been judging myself as overly aggressive, argumentative, and generally not a good woman because of it.  As an attorney, these traits had seemed to serve me well professionally, but taking them home into relationships always left the other person feeling attacked and me feeling really sh*tty about myself.     

In the past, I would refer to myself as a “beast” when I acted like this and deep down felt like I was the “bad guy” in my relationships.  That felt so incredibly awful because, even deeper down, I knew that I was a good person and never intentionally trying to hurt anyone.  I would oftentimes act this way in an effort to stand up against a perceived injustice of some sort—either on behalf of myself or someone else. 

Then I would look at other people who I considered calmer, quieter, and gentler than me and think they were better than I am.  That they were nicer and “good,” and I was louder and “bad.” 

What I realized this week is that under any negative behavior or feeling, there is always a positive, loving intention at its core.  If we dig deeper underneath any anger, there is always sadness of some sort.  We only get angry if we feel hurt in some way—either about ourselves or someone else.  Then if we dig even deeper under the anger and the sadness, there is always love.  After all, we only get angry if we care about the issue or the person we’re getting angry about.  We care what the person thinks or we care to prevent an injustice. 

In other words we’re all just yearning to love and be loved and when we feel hurt or angry, it’s because we feel fundamentally unloved or unlovable in some way.

Looking at it this way helped me to see that there’s actually beauty underneath the beast.  Underneath me getting mad or upset or outspoken or loud about anything, is really just me wanting to stand up against an injustice and protect myself or someone else I feel is being treated unfairly.  That’s a beautiful intention and it turns out I’ve helped a lot of people over the years and inspired them to speak up on their own behalf as well. 

So instead of beating up the beast inside of me and kicking her out to the curb, I choose to love her and see the beauty in her.  And by doing so, she seems to magically transform from an angry beast into a loving beast—like a unicorn!  She is still powerful and strong, and she still cares about protecting others and herself, but she does it with love instead of anger.  And amazingly enough, she still gets sh*t done.  In the meantime, though, she just does not suck up so much energy beating up on herself and others.

Turns out I’m more likely to act beastly towards others when I’m acting beastly towards myself.

So although I am continuing to learn about myself and this crazy world of ours, it helps me to see that at my core, I am not a bad person.  And neither are any of you.  We’re all just doing the best that we can with what we have to work with. 

What part of you have you been judging as “bad” and wanting to get rid of?  What is that part of you really trying to accomplish at its core?  I bet it’s not really that bad after all. :)  I want to hear about it in the comments below!

Yours in Beauty and Magical Beasts,
Tina :)

“There was no difference, the beast and my love was the same.”  -Chelsey Johnson 

This weekend at “soul school” I learned how to brag about myself.  After years of learning that bragging is bad and egotistical and will make other people not like me, it turns out that it’s actually good for both me and everyone around me.  How is that possible? 

In the past, I held onto the belief that I had to keep myself small for others to love me.  If I did well in school, I needed to downplay it or hide it or act like it didn’t matter to me, or else others wouldn’t like me.  I remember the day when this belief really set in.  I remember a teacher in one of my classes announcing that I got the best grade on a test, and one of my peers glaring at me and saying two words that felt like bullets through my heart:  "Kiss. Ass."

At that moment I made an unconscious decision to downplay my talents.  If I got good grades, I wouldn’t tell anyone.  Then if someone found out and congratulated me, I would secretly be dancing around and celebrating on the inside, but on the outside I’d be like “yeah, whatevs.”  If I got a compliment on a new haircut, I’d deflect by saying “yeah but when I do it myself it won’t look like this!”  I’d secretly be thrilled and smile to myself as I walked away, but on the outside I wouldn't show it.

What would be so bad about me bringing the party inside my heart out into the open?  And maybe inviting some friends over to party with me?  Aren’t parties more fun when other people are involved?

The truth is, yes, a party is more fun when others are invited.  And, yes, I deserved a big party.  The truth is that sharing our talents and accomplishments with others is a great way to inspire them to do the same.  Holding our gifts inside and keeping ourselves small doesn't help anyone.  It actually sends others a message that they, also, aren't good enough to let themselves shine.   

Something we learned in school this weekend was to identify and own positive projections on others.  What the heck is a positive projection?!  It turns out not only do we project negative traits of ourselves onto others-- for example, “He’s being so selfish!” which really means we’re concerned on some deep level that we’re being selfish-- but we also project positive traits of ourselves onto others.

The Universe (and the human ego) are so sneaky sometimes.  Turns out everything we identify in other people, whether negative or positive, is actually just the Universe’s big, huge mirror reflecting those traits back to ourselves. 

So who is someone that you idolize or look up to in life?  It can be anyone, dead or alive.  Oprah?  Abe Lincoln?  Babe Ruth?  Martin Luther King, Jr.?  Your mom?  Me? (sorry couldn’t help myself—I’m owning it!!)  What about them do you admire?  Their inspired leadership?  Their confidence?  Their compassion and intellect?  Their drive?  Well, guess what, Sugar Plum, you have those EXACT same qualities inside of you—just waiting to be expressed! 

Does that mean the other person isn’t an amazing leader or fabulously confident?  Nope, don’t worry, you’re not hallucinating.  They probably are, BUT, more importantly, so are YOU!!!!!

How handy that we have this tool to use anytime we need a little help remembering some of the beautiful qualities that we have inside of us—we just need to step into them and OWN them. 

So next time you feel jealous of someone else (“everyone loves her”, “she’s so beautiful”, “he’s so creative,” etc.), you can be sure that you have the ability to step into every one of those qualities.  Everyone loves you.  You're so beautiful and you're so creative.

You have the choice.  You can either put that person on a pedestal-- and tell yourself that you’re not as good as them-- OR you can step up onto the pedestal alongside them and choose to remember that everything you admire about that person, you have and more. 

So go out there and see the beauty in everyone around you and then use that as a GPS to finding the beauty within yourself.  Once you find it, step up and OWN it.  Share it with other people in a loving, authentic way.  That’s not bragging in the “I’m better than you" way, but instead sharing your gifts with the world so you can uplift and inspire them to do the same.

Now go on with your bad ass self!!  I’ll start:  I admire my friend Leigh for her courage and beauty and talent.  It turns out I have every one of those qualities in me.  I am courageous.  I am beautiful.  I am talented.  I am funny.  I am outgoing.  I am a sparkling, inspired leader.  Do you feel jealous or annoyed when I say these things?  I hate to break it to you, but that means you are every single one of those things too.  :)

What is one gift you have to offer the world that you've been afraid to step up and own?  I want to hear about it in the comments below! 

Yours in Runways and Pedestals,
Tina :)

I’m a hypocrite.  Last week I bought an awesome necklace (see photo) that said in a bright, happy green color, “Be Kind to Yourself.”  I bought it thinking, “Oh wow.  This is so great.  People really need to hear this.  If I wear it maybe it will brighten someone’s day and remind them to be nicer to themselves!”

I then proceeded to walk out of the store, feeling good about myself, and completely oblivious to the fact that I was the one who really needed to hear it. 

I am constantly telling people to not be so hard on themselves.  Every time I work with a client, it is so easy for me to see the beauty in them and what they have to offer the world and how it can all work out for them.  It’s also so easy for me to see how hard they can be on themselves, and how stuck in the weeds of negativity they often seem to be. 

I am always telling them to be kinder to themselves.  To give themselves permission to do what they truly want to do in life. 

But then I turn around and beat the crap out of myself.  “You need to lose weight.  You need to make more money.  You are not a good enough girlfriend, or daughter, or coach, or writer, or [insert role of choice here].”  I would not be friends with someone who spoke to me like that.  Why do I put up with it from myself?   

This realization slapped me in the face, during a career intuitive coaching training I recently did (the same one that led me to watch Field of Dreams in my last post).  We were assigned partners and took turns being the coach and being the client.  During this process, it became abundantly clear that when the partner was coaching, they were super positive and supportive and gentle and kind.  Then when the roles were reversed, and it became about their life, they seemed like a completely different human being.  They were more negative, stressed, and stuck in the weeds of their day-to-day existence.  

Sometimes it’s difficult for all of us to rise above our daily stresses and see the big picture.  To see that all this nonsense we experience every day is just meant to challenge us and help us grow.  The entire point is to rise above it and nurture our authentic selves and do what really makes us happy in life, despite all the crap we might see around us.  Throughout this process, we need to treat ourselves the way we would treat a good friend.  

Easier said than done.  Turns out, I love helping clients see this perspective for their life, but ask me about my life and I can be Negative Nancy. 

Being kind to other people is sometimes challenging.  But, in my experience, it is WAY easier than being kind to ourselves.  Why is that? 

When we’re little, we are all taught the Golden Rule:  “Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you.”  Great advice indeed, but where’s the part about “Do unto yourself as you would want others to do unto you”?

Where’s the part about being kind to ourselves?  Is that selfish?  No way.  On the contrary, it allows us to be functioning, happy adults that have full reserves of love to then share with others.  Otherwise you have a world full of tired, miserable people slaving away to help others, but not doing a great job at it because they have nothing left to give. 

First we need to be kind to ourselves and then the love spills over onto the other people in our lives.  We can be kinder to others only if we are kinder to ourselves.  Think about how much easier it is to be nicer, and more patient, and more helpful with our loved ones if we are in a good place and feeling good about ourselves.    

Now I need to go back and listen to my own damn necklace (and my own damn blog)!!! ;)  Then I’m going to try out mirror work (saying nice things to myself in the mirror).  Feels silly at first, but actually really works.  For inspiration, check out this adorable video of a little girl who understands what it means to be kind to herself!   

What is one thing you can do to be a little (or a LOT) kinder to yourself today?  I want to hear about it in the comments below! 

Yours in Putting Away the Baseball Bat,
Tina :)