I’m a hypocrite. Last week I bought an awesome necklace (see photo) that said in a bright, happy green color, “Be Kind to Yourself.” I bought it thinking, “Oh wow. This is so great. People really need to hear this. If I wear it maybe it will brighten someone’s day and remind them to be nicer to themselves!”
I then proceeded to walk out of the store, feeling good about myself, and completely oblivious to the fact that I was the one who really needed to hear it.
I am constantly telling people to not be so hard on themselves. Every time I work with a client, it is so easy for me to see the beauty in them and what they have to offer the world and how it can all work out for them. It’s also so easy for me to see how hard they can be on themselves, and how stuck in the weeds of negativity they often seem to be.
I am always telling them to be kinder to themselves. To give themselves permission to do what they truly want to do in life.
But then I turn around and beat the crap out of myself. “You need to lose weight. You need to make more money. You are not a good enough girlfriend, or daughter, or coach, or writer, or [insert role of choice here].” I would not be friends with someone who spoke to me like that. Why do I put up with it from myself?
This realization slapped me in the face, during a career intuitive coaching training I recently did (the same one that led me to watch Field of Dreams in my last post). We were assigned partners and took turns being the coach and being the client. During this process, it became abundantly clear that when the partner was coaching, they were super positive and supportive and gentle and kind. Then when the roles were reversed, and it became about their life, they seemed like a completely different human being. They were more negative, stressed, and stuck in the weeds of their day-to-day existence.
Sometimes it’s difficult for all of us to rise above our daily stresses and see the big picture. To see that all this nonsense we experience every day is just meant to challenge us and help us grow. The entire point is to rise above it and nurture our authentic selves and do what really makes us happy in life, despite all the crap we might see around us. Throughout this process, we need to treat ourselves the way we would treat a good friend.
Easier said than done. Turns out, I love helping clients see this perspective for their life, but ask me about my life and I can be Negative Nancy.
Being kind to other people is sometimes challenging. But, in my experience, it is WAY easier than being kind to ourselves. Why is that?
When we’re little, we are all taught the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you.” Great advice indeed, but where’s the part about “Do unto yourself as you would want others to do unto you”?
Where’s the part about being kind to ourselves? Is that selfish? No way. On the contrary, it allows us to be functioning, happy adults that have full reserves of love to then share with others. Otherwise you have a world full of tired, miserable people slaving away to help others, but not doing a great job at it because they have nothing left to give.
First we need to be kind to ourselves and then the love spills over onto the other people in our lives. We can be kinder to others only if we are kinder to ourselves. Think about how much easier it is to be nicer, and more patient, and more helpful with our loved ones if we are in a good place and feeling good about ourselves.
Now I need to go back and listen to my own damn necklace (and my own damn blog)!!! ;) Then I’m going to try out mirror work (saying nice things to myself in the mirror). Feels silly at first, but actually really works. For inspiration, check out this adorable video of a little girl who understands what it means to be kind to herself!
What is one thing you can do to be a little (or a LOT) kinder to yourself today? I want to hear about it in the comments below!
Yours in Putting Away the Baseball Bat,
Throw on your stonewashed jeans and get out your Big League Chew because I’m about to get all 1980’s and Kevin Costner in this blog!
Some twenty five years after the box office first released Field of Dreams, I finally saw it for the first time last weekend. My reason for finally watching it was not because there was an 80’s movie marathon on television, nor because I was celebrating spring and the beginning of baseball season (although I am excited about both of those things). Instead I watched it because the Universe gave me some really strong signs that I had to for some reason. Here’s a recap on how my “Inner Box Office” led me to watch this inspiring movie:
Weeks ago I randomly thought of Field of Dreams while my boyfriend and I were scanning Netflix for something to watch that night. It popped into my head and I thought it would be perfect since he loves sports movies and I love feel-good inspiring movies. I thought, “Field of Dreams is our movie match-made-in-heaven!” But then we couldn’t find it on Netflix and we just kind of forgot about it.
Then came this past weekend when I was participating in a Career Intuitive Coaching training webinar. As part of the training, we had to give practice sessions to other participants in the group (whom we had never met before). As luck would have it, a beautiful woman named Helen was selected to give my reading on Saturday afternoon.
Helen is extremely intuitive and throughout the session was spot on with some of her insights into my life and her guidance for me. About half way into the session, she giggled and told me there was a really random movie reference that came up during her meditation on me and also that kept coming up in her head during our session. She apologized in advance if it didn’t make any sense to me but thought she should share it just in case.
She then said, “If you build it, they will come.” Pause. “You know, from that movie Field of Dreams.”
I laughed and told her how we had just been talking about watching that movie. I also told her how the quote made me think of my business; that when I put the effort into growing it, the clients that will most benefit from my coaching always find me organically. I then made a mental note that I should really watch that movie and proceeded to forgot about it again.
Literally four hours after the session, after going out to dinner, my boyfriend (who had no idea what happened during my session) turned to me and said “We should watch Field of Dreams tonight.” My mouth fell open and I just stared at him in awe.
He then laughed and whispered “If you build it, they will come.”
Needless to say, that was a strong enough message from the Universe to get through to even my sometimes-oblivious head. We watched the movie that night and I was blown away at what a beautiful metaphor it was for following our intuition—even when it does not make logical sense or seems impossible.
Who knew a baseball movie from the 80’s could inspire me to follow my gut, whether or not it might seem crazy to my logical brain (or to my friends and family)? My logical “thinking” mind certainly didn’t know, but my intuition did. And Helen’s intuition did. And apparently my boyfriend’s intuition did on some level too.
Sure this could all be explained away as a coincidence. But I believe that there is something bigger going on in life than our logical brains might understand. How exciting that we all have an internal guidance system telling us to do things that will inspire us and help us grow in life!
Sometimes that guidance takes the form of multiple people telling you to watch a certain movie or read a certain book. Sometimes you might keep seeing or hearing about a certain location that you should visit. Or, like in the movie, maybe a voice tells you to mow down perfectly good crops to build a baseball field on your farm! What would happen if we all started listening to that guidance and seeing where it leads?
What has your gut been telling you to do that might seem crazy? I want to hear about it in the comments below!
Yours in Inspiration and Baseball,
p.s. One other thing I learned after watching Field of Dreams is that the quote is actually “If you build it, he will come.” Who knew? Probably the Universe. ;)
Wow. Today is a big day for me. I have been thinking about launching this blog and website for over 6 months and have come up with one excuse after another as to why I had to wait a little longer. Every excuse was very convincing and seemingly necessary— I had to get the perfect domain name; I had to look for jobs; I had to do homework for my master’s program; I had to record a perfect video for my homepage; I had to read 8,000 articles on writing blogs and launching websites so I could “do it right.”
It turns out, as helpful as those steps were, they were just my brain’s way of distracting me from the real truth: I was afraid to really show the public my authentic self. I was afraid to write a blog from my heart and be vulnerable in front of other people who might disagree or criticize me, or who might not like the real me. I was afraid to “come out of the closet.”
Anyone who is brave enough to write a blog is “putting themselves out there.” The internet is vast and we all know about the cyber-bullying and other unfiltered negative commentary that flies around the web at the speed of light. The truth is, the idea of writing a blog with a “comments” section below it scares the sh*t out of me. What if someone writes a negative comment about something I write?
But the bigger truth is, deep down I long to inspire and uplift people with positive and thoughtful posts. I yearn to add some positive sunlight into a world with so much negativity.
So I’m feeling scared and I’m doing it anyway. I’m coming out of the “spiritual closet.” Some people might not understand or might think I’m wacky, but at least I’m being authentic. And if I inspire just one person out there to step up and be brave and authentic in whatever scares them in life—to come out of whatever their closet might be—then I’m happy.
So here I am world! Yes I am an attorney and yes I love the environment and yes I’m from Buffalo. I’m also a very spiritual person who is fascinated by all these crazy new agey philosophies and finding more positive ways of looking at our experiences on this planet. Yes I believe in God or Spirit or the Universe or whatever you might call it and yes I believe in angels and fairies and the power of intuition and numerology.
And what I believe in most of all is being true to myself, and my true self is here to help and heal and inspire others to do the same.
I did it. I came out of the spiritual closet. And I already feel stronger and more complete.
Now what can you do today that scares the living sh*t out of you? I want to hear about it in the comments below!
Yours in Courage and Authenticity,
Tina Meyers is an Intuitive Coach and Feminine Leadership Facilitator and the founder of Women Advocates Rising and WARRIOR SCHOOL. She is a former attorney, and a seeker of creativity, courage, aliveness, and transformation in her own life and the lives of others.