 Tina and Bun-Bun circa 1982ish :) Today is my 35th birthday. It’s a milestone, I think, and my life looks nothing like how I expected it. Actually I’m not sure what I expected for 35, but this is definitely not it. The victim side of me—the one that likes to have pity parties for myself—gets sad when I think about that. I am 35 years old and I have never been married, I don’t have any children, I don’t own a home, I have two cats and a good amount of credit card debt and student loans. I am in the process of transitioning out of a nine year relationship. I got into a pretty major car accident a couple of weeks ago and have been at home recovering from neck and back injuries and post- concussion issues. My brain is foggy and exhausted and I’ll probably have to lay down and rest after writing this.
But before you (or I) jump off a bridge, I think there is a silver lining! ;) There must be. Because I am too awesome for there not to be. Yes I am crying right now writing this, but not entirely because of Pity Party Tina. I am also crying because I feel vulnerable and raw being so honest with all of you. I am also crying because I am incredibly grateful that I am alive right now to write this on my 35th birthday. I am incredibly grateful to look around me right now and see a white, fluffy cat purring and snuggling next to me. I am grateful for the gorgeous flowers that were delivered to me yesterday from co-workers that miss me and send me healing thoughts and birthday wishes. I am grateful that I get to witness the beautiful shades of white and blue in those flowers, and smell them as I sit here. I am also grateful for the lessons I have learned from this entire experience. I am learning to receive, when that was not comfortable for me in the past. When I suddenly cannot be as hyper-independent as I once was, I am forced to accept help from others. It is interesting to witness the guilt that has come up around that—I think on some level I felt that I didn’t deserve help from others without “paying them back” in some way. But the truth is, by accepting the help of others, I am actually giving them an opportunity to step forward and shine. They are getting something out of it too. I am grateful for my dad for showing up at just the right moment in the hospital the night of the accident, when I was feeling really alone and terrified. I am also grateful to him for driving me all over the place for doctor appointments these past few weeks. I am grateful for my ex-boyfriend for loving me enough to get me groceries and let me stay in his apartment until I am strong enough to pack up and move. I am grateful for this experience to know just how many people love me. Sometimes in life, something “bad” needs to happen to give us all a reason to come forward and help, and to give us an opportunity to show the people we love that we love them. Or even to show strangers that we care about them too. The beauty I have witnessed throughout all this has been astounding—from ambulance drivers to doctors to friends and family, to the lady at triage in the hospital who got really excited that she finally found someone else who has a 7/11 birthday like her. Happy Birthday, lady in the hospital!! :) I am 35 years old today. Throughout these 35 years I have gone to amazing places, experienced amazing things, and met some of the most beautiful, loving, and inspiring people in the world. Those people include all my family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, and random people that take the extra step to be nice in the airport, taxi cab, etc. You are all my teachers and we are all students together in this big, crazy, beautiful world. We all rely on each other in some way. And those experiences are not over yet, they are just beginning. I may not own a home or have children yet, but the exciting part is that my story is still largely unwritten. (By the way, I got that bit of wisdom from an episode of “Don’t Trust the B-- in Apartment 23” I’ve been binge watching on Netflix lately! ;)) I still get to imagine what my future will look like, and I have a feeling it will be even more magical than I ever thought possible. Cheers to the next 35 years and beyond, and the chance to sit still for a moment and see the Beauty and Blessings that currently surround me before moving forward into new beginnings. :) Today I encourage you to take a break from obsessing over what comes next in your life, and take a look around you. Take it all in—all the Beauty and Love and Miracles that already surround you. Now go get yourself a free Slurpee at 7-Eleven and celebrate me!! ;) With Brain Fog and Beautiful Blessings, Tina :)
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